EFFECTIVE CONVERSATION SKILL

Rudyard Kipling said = “words are the most powerful drug used by humankind.”  To get things done, one has to influence others, for which the key skill he needs is conversation control - a control over what he says and the way he says it.   People, who are successful, are usually adept in their conversation skill.  To listen closely and to reply well is the highest perfection we are able to attain in the art of conversation.  What is meant by conversation control is that with practice, we should be able to control our own conversation and in time be able to influence others and encourage them to respond in a positive and relevant way.

We often find that the tone that we use in conversation can make or break what we say.  It can be sharp and aggressive, or measured and reasonable.  So, the control over conversation broadly includes factors such as (1) how to put forward an idea/proposal, (2) how to disagree without being unduly aggressive, (3) how to contribute to a meeting meaningfully  and  to top it all, (4) how to handle personal criticism.   All these might seem commonplace, but we realize the value and importance of each one of them while we perform our work.  We will find that both problems and opportunities require skilled conversation control.

            It is no use having a lot to say unless we can say it, forcefully and effectively.   It is also no use wanting to find out what goes on if we do not know how to obtain that information from others, by asking questions and behaving appropriately.  Every day, we all have to use conversation skills to communicate our points of view and hear other people’s.   Studies have shown that Managers or people at the helm of things are spending about 45% of their  time in listening to others, 35% on talking, 16% on reading and 0% on writing.   Thus, in effect, they spend practically three fourth of their time in conversation.   Our being very able in terms of technical knowledge or brilliance will not amount to much, unless we are able to influence and persuade others.  A key aspect of this is to know when we should be problem-centred and when to be solution-centred.  As a key rule, it is wise, if in doubt, to ‘get below the line’ and be ‘problem-oriented’ before offering solutions. 

            Rudyard Kipling seemed to have summed up the key skills for having problem-centred when he wrote; “I have six honest servants.  They taught me all I know.  Their names are ‘who, what, where, when, why and how.” It will be interesting to note that “who, where and when’ invariably lead to closed questions and in contrast, ‘what, why and how’ can usually be used to initiate an open question.  Practice with these simple conversation starters can make a big difference in what you find and the speed with which you do it. 

            Thus, conversation control is primarily the art of controlling your own conversation in a skillful way and manipulating others as dexterously as possible.   It is, therefore, appropriate that you have the final word, logically and effectively.